It’s mid-February, and Suzy and I have completed both doses of the Pfizer vaccine. I feel incredibly grateful that we were able to get them, and although we’re not suddenly free to return to normal, I can imagine things slowly beginning to change. Perhaps soon I can go to the driving range, or we can have drinks on our patio with vaccinated friends. I know lots of things won’t change for us anytime soon – restaurants, grocery shopping – but the feeling of even a little bit of freedom is exhilarating.
Especially when I overlay my cancer on top of the pandemic. The stress of racing against cancer has been all-consuming these past months, and getting vaccinated hasn’t changed that. I can still feel and see the impacts that cancer has had on me. I see it when I look into the mirror at the loss of facial hair from the radiation and lymphedema on my neck. I feel it every time I go out, concerned that I forgot to bring water or gum or lozenges to make up for the loss of saliva. I feel it every meal, wondering what I’ll be able eat and how I can get full. I’m beginning to feel more confident that the cancer is gone, but the physical and mental scars seem to be everlasting. Other cancer survivors have warned me that the mental part is very tough, sometimes even tougher than the physical recovery.
I’m looking forward to being back at the place where life is something that I just live, instead of something that I have to think so hard about.
Cancer in the time of corona 
Nice update Steve. Hang strong my friend.
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Hi Steve, good to hear from you and that you are now vaccinated and that you are slowly recovering (here in Europe vaccination has not been easy, I am down to go on phase 2 which they hope will start in April and this because of the cancer, otherwise I would be in phase 3, not enough vaccines…).
I believe that with patience we will arrive at that normal life, what ever that is, that we will not think about it anymore and will enjoy life even more! Today I count 4 weeks without treatment. And how am I? Two steps forward one backwards. I can eat better but have not gained weight because I have little or no joy in eating, little taste, some textures are not possible and I never get full. My tongue is much better but my jaw is not, especially because the impacted wisdom tooth that was removed before starting the treatment, did not heal yet. I am waiting to be called to start physiotherapy of the jaw because I cannot open my mouth as much as needed (3 fingers across, I can only 2), this is trismus, so I am still taking pain killers and anti-inflammatory medication. Neck looks good. Most of the time I have energy even though it also oscillates. Sometimes when I swallow I feel that the food stays in the esophagus and does not go straight to the stomach, did you feel something like this? But I have already danced, that was good:) Here we are in total confinement, everything is closed except first necessity shops and we can only get out of the house for walks or necessary grocery shopping.
Wishing you many steps forward and golfing in the approaching Spring!
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Carla, it’s so good to hear from you. I am glad you are past treatments and are showing some improvements.
It sounds like your experiemce with food is very similar to mine. I taste relatively little – blueberries taste the best, I can taste salsa, beer and tomatoes, although they taste different than they used to. Having few taste buds makes eating much less enjoyable and therefore less sociable. I love to cook but it’s difficult as I can’t eat many things I used to cook, and the things I can eat, I can’t taste. For me, I just eat because it’s time to eat. I, too, have trouble swallowing many things. I have lost 8 or 9 kilos since the end of my treatments. Luckily for me, I carrying a few extra pounds so it hasn’t caused me any concern. For me, I have had success eating sweetbreads like pumpkin, lemon blueberry and am going to try cinnamon and apple in the coming days. I can eat them, they fill me up and satisfy my need to eat. Sometimes I warm them and up and butter them to make them a bit easier to eat.
Besides eating, the major thing I am experiencing is dry mouth and the never ending mucus. In general, my mouth is just out of sorts. It’s a constant reminder of the cancer and the impact it has had on me. I guess we will never be the same as we were before our diagnosis – physically or mentally.
As far as energy, I seem to be good most days. We try to walk an hour a day, but I can tell I can’t walk as fastas before. I will probably not fully understand my energy levels until I start to golf. There is a lot of walking – perhaps 8 to10 km per round, in addition to the golf. I will probably figure how much muscle mass I lost by how far I can hit it.
My wife and I have a travel trailer and we are even planning a few trips to get away from the house. The vaccinations have made us confident we can travel with he same precautions as we have been exercising – masks, social distancing, quarantining, etc. Hopefully, the number of vaccinations will increase everywhere and the world can begin to return to anormal, albeit a new normal.
Carla, keep progressing and doing what the doctors tell you to do. Enjoy each and everyday and each and every person.
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